The Longest Minutes of a Day

I finally had my bath. The water is probably just enough for human bathing. Although I have to go under the pipe to wash my hair. Ixora had just set a new standard.

The moments in between previous post and this post can be said to be the longest moments of today. I'm frustrated as I can blame no one for the luck. Just that moment, guess what? My 'beloved' housemate came into the room. Strutting in with the coughing like "erhem", shaping his golden Phua Chu Kang mane plus his recent promotion as God (The classmates gave him a drawn potrait of him looking high up in the sky, wearing shades and a T shirt bearing the phrase "THE GREATEST", and above the head written "The God of Accounting"), made him look as godly as ever.

I knew I'm getting it. So before he start talking, I channel all the remaining internal strenght I have to my ears

Housemate: Wah! Whats wrong with you?

Me : Suddenly no water *smile*

Housemate: Yeah! I heard no water

Me : Then why ask?

Housemate: Because I very pissed ma... I wanna do treatment to my hair... but no water

Me : Then just wait for the water to come. Stop complaining because even I don't -_-

Housemate: Haha! You can jump down from the window ma... Then you can straight wash in the pool!

Me : (Being really patient and still smiling) Cannot la... I'm not God weh... Will die if I jump. You go ahead lo....

Housemate: Hahaha... no la... how can I compare to you? Plus I cannot use pool water la... So dirty. Will spoil my hair de....

Me : Oh ya... I forgot your hair is as precious as Donald Trump's

Housemate: No la. I prefer Warren Buffet :)

Me : Bro, you know what? Thats an understatement. I really do think you're a God

Housemate: Really? Why?

Me : Because I believe if I shoot you with a M16 the bullets would not penetrate your body

Housemate: Hahaha... you're so humorous. (Picking up a voodoo doll on my table). Wah! You got this? Use to hex me ah?

Me : No la... this one YJ gave it to me

Housemate: Wah! Means he hex me la? He hate me so much meh?

Me : How much I don't know la... But shouldn't be little lo.... Besides there is so many people might do just that to your godly body

Housemate: Might be might be. My dad know someone who can use this doll to hex a person. He just need the person's name and ID

Me : Really??? Should I give you your name and ID?

Housemate: No la, I should try it on you first. Because need testing ma...

Me : You recommend why must I try it on myself?? Wtf

Housemate: Its not entirely bad. Sometimes its good. Because dad says will attract girls

Me : Holy shit. Then you should try it even more. With such a good tactic, people like you might actually have some hope, even though its minimum.

*Suddenly some bastards start releasing fire crackers and anothe different group of animals start yelling and swearing back*

Housemate: Bro! Yell! Quick yell! Why you didn't yell?

Me : Why the fuck must I do that? I'm not an animal

Housemate: But you're going to be a famous lawyer ma.... People will listen to you!

Me : (In my heart I was like is this fellow trying to drop me a hint saying "PLEASE STAB ME") Don't know yet... The one who will be famous is you! Now already so famous. God some more.

Housemate: No la... I still need your help next time. I might get caught for tax evasion :)

Me : Wah... God also will get caught?

Housemate: No ma... I'm DAP. So BN will try catch me ma...

Me : You support DAP ah?

Housemate: Yeah! Why?

Me : You support DAP using the wrong method dy... You should secretly join BN

Housemate: Why??

Me : Because if BN got someone like you ah, they will gurantee lose the election. You help take them from inside ma!

(This guy still can't read between the lines and continue to bullshit his twisted philosophy. Finally I reach my limit)

Me : Bro, my roommate got paper tomorrow, go out la. Don't disturb him. He is not a God

Housemate: Wah! What kind of a roommate are you?? You should be a good roommate and guide him in his studies ma!

(I'm taking law and he is taking accounting you numb nut!)